Frequently Asked Questions

We offer two group forums:

• A monthly drop-in group on the first Monday of each month for those experiencing loss who chose not to participate in our group series.
• An 8-week group series that offers continuous support and educational tools as group members learn how to live with a loss. The 8-week series requires pre-registration and a commitment to attending the 8 consecutive weeks.

We also offer workshops throughout the year for the general public and the ZHP community to support the transformation of grief’s pain into growth, healing and wisdom.

Do I have to be a Buddhist to receive bereavement services at ZHP?
Absolutely not. At ZHP we welcome all who are grieving and are open to contemplative tools that cultivate reflection and compassion for the unique and profound process of grief.
Death and grief are universal to all human beings. Each of us experience a myriad of losses throughout our lives, and the loss of a loved one can be one of the most significant.

What is ZHP’s approach to grief support?
We draw upon the wisdom of Buddhist teachings to help our clients’ ease suffering, generate healing, and grow in wisdom. Death and grief are universal to all human beings. Our approach includes the use of mindfulness techniques, and the universality of loss and change, as cornerstones in our care for those who grieve. Our bereavement groups encourage participants to move towards their grief by fully experiencing their losses, and remaining open to the comfort and wisdom that paradoxically arise from turning towards what is difficult. This often supports people with transforming their grief into acceptance, ease, and a greater capacity for joy.

How might I benefit from joining a grief group?
When we grieve, we often feel lonely and alienated because grief is so profoundly personal. Well-intended friends are often unable to fully understand the multiple dimensions of our grief, nor can they always be there for us when we need them. Grief groups offer you the time and attention to share your grief experience with others who do understand, even though their losses may be different than yours. They also offer a way to learn coping skills for successfully managing life as you adjust to your loss. Through sharing and listening to others, you can feel less alone and more supported. Groups can be very comforting, especially when someone else expresses a feeling or thought that you also share, but may have been afraid or unable to voice.

What is the structure of your groups?
Each session opens with time to quite the mind and reflect on your own grief experience. From there, the group facilitator provides structured time for: group members to express thoughts and feelings about their losses and day-to-day experiences, the sharing of photos and personal mementos, learning concepts from the bereavement field to support your grief process, and develop coping skills to ease your adjustment to your loss. Also, most sessions offer a thematic discussion and experiential exercises.

ABOUT THE GRIEVING PROCESS

What is meant by “grief” and “the grief process”?
Grief responses can include (but are not limited to) difficult and/or painful feelings, moods, thoughts, and physical reactions. The grief process is the experience you go through while adjusting to a loss. It is not linear, meaning there is no direct path to completing the process. In general, the grief process begins with

a state of disequilibrium and eventually progresses to some form of adjustment, though this may not be universally followed. The length and experience of the grieving process is unique to the individual mourner, and so it is important to not compare your experience to another mourner. The emotions and changes that are experienced in this process of adjustment may be initially upsetting and confusing for the mourning individual as well as those who care about him or her.

What’s the difference between grief, bereavement and mourning?
Grief is the normal process of reacting to a loss, be it real, perceived, or anticipated. Grief reactions may be felt in response to physical losses, such as a death or an ability, or in response to symbolic or social losses, such as beliefs or in relationships (i.e. divorce). Bereavement is the period after a loss during which grief is experienced and mourning occurs. The time spent in this period of bereavement depends on many things, such as your depth and type of attachment to the person who died, and how much time was spent anticipating the loss. Mourning is the process by which the person adapts to a loss.

Does everyone grief the same way?
No. Grief, bereavement, and mourning are greatly influenced by individual and cultural values & customs. Each culture* has it’s own beliefs, values, expressions, expectations, etiquettes, and rituals for coping with death and loss. At Zen Hospice Project, our intention is to facilitate healing from a multicultural perspective for people from diverse cultures. We embrace, support, and facilitate participation with people from different cultures. When facilitating grief groups, our focus is broad enough to include family and cultural values and viewpoints. Through our meetings and experiences with the multi-faceted cultures of the SF Bay area, we are continually learning to be culturally competent in the field of end of life and bereavement care. At ZHP, we subscribe to the universal belief that there can be a transcendental experience for the bereaved following a traumatic event. Many individuals find themselves transformed from lessons learned from the experience of loss.

* Culture: shared experiences or other commonalities of groups of individuals, based on race, ethiccity, sexual orientation, class, disability, status, religious, age, language, and other axes of identification.

What can I expect when grieving?
As each death is unique to the dying individual, the expression and experience of grief is unique to each of us who mourn. With this said, there are some experiences that are shared by all who grieve. You may experience confusion and forgetfulness in situations when you are accustomed to mental clarity and multitasking. There may be a constellation of emotions: shock, anger, guilt, regret, deep sorrow, denial, relief, fear and helplessness. Often the pain of grief expresses itself through physical sensations such as loss of appetite and sleep, susceptibility to colds (because of stress on the immune system), body aches and tiredness. In addition, grieving a loss may continue much longer than imagined, so patience with your grief is essential.

How long does grief last?
It depends on the depth of the love or attachment we have for who or what we have lost. Healing our grief often depends on the time we devote to adjusting to a significant loss. For some, there is no finite end to grieving. However, for many people, their relationship with grief changes and softens over the months and years. There may be times of reconciliation of the loss and other times, like birthdays, holidays, and anniversaries of love and illness, when grief painfully returns for a time. We each have our own unique relationship to grief, so the time frame needed for adjustment and reinvestment in life varies.

The simple and rustic "Enso" (Japanese for circle) is a symbol for human wholeness and completeness that is based on the acceptance and conscious recognition that we are light and dark, strong and weak, pure and impure.  As this is the heart of any truly liberating and healing grief work, the Enso is a particularly fitting symbol for ZHP’s Bereavement Services.